Why practice kindness? ‘Deliberate Acts of Kindness’ are an investment in social connections. Being kind, ethical and good to others is the backbone of humankind. Just look at the word humankind. It can be broken down into human and kind, why do you think that is? We usually think of the word kind as a grouping of something (e.g. a kind of car or a kind of food), but what if we looked at this word a bit differently? What if we saw the kind in humankind as meaning to be human is to be KIND! When we are kind to each other it increases prosocial emotions which in turn strengthen social bonds. Kindness feels good and if it feels good we are more likely to to be kind in the future. It is not only good for the person receiving the kindness but good for the person giving.

Being generous and willing to share makes us happier even when the helper receives nothing in return and when it’s unpleasant to help (unless we feel taken advantage of then we are less likely to help in the future). This basic evolutionary principle of practising kindness and helping others has served us well as humans. Back in the day it was really important when we lived in tribes to be kind and helpful because without the support of the group for resources we would not survive. We are wired for kindness. You can see how statements like “you scratch my back I’ll scratch yours”, “you get, what you give” and “do onto others as you would have done to you” are connected to this idea that humans rely on each other. Kindness is the ‘secret sauce’ to nurturing and maintaining relationships.

How do you practice kindness? You can do ‘Random Acts of Kindness’, which to me is, responding to situations where you can be kind as they randomly pop up. You can also try ‘Deliberate Acts of Kindness’ where you can be very intentional and plan to do kind things for others. From my experience when I focus on being deliberately kind, I tend to see ‘Random Acts of Kindness’ opportunities more. It’s like my brain is primed to be kinder. The key is to break your usual patterns of kindness. To get a wellbeing boost bring some novelty into your kindness acts. Like practicing gratitude the reward in wellbeing can diminish if you get bored with what you are doing. Happiness Researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky suggests the first step is to develop a kindness strategy:

• Pick one day a week and commit either one big act of kindness or three to five little ones.

• Some preplanning, creativity and effort may be required as variety matters.

• Don’t expect anything in return or rely on the approval and admiration of others to feel good, just soak up the fact that you are a kind person and the chances are your sense of self-worth, value and meaning will be enhanced.

Just a word of caution. Sometimes acts of kindness can backfire and some people don’t want your help. You can’t change how other people think, feel or behave. If they don’t want your kindness help that is ok, respect their wishes and focus on the people who are open to kindness acts.

• Here is a Live Up To You ‘Deliberate Act of Kindness ‘ Day Template that you are welcome to try.

• This website link ‘Random Acts of Kindness’ has heaps of kindness ideas and a whole bunch of other useful resources.

• Here is a really interesting article in Psychology Today about the ‘Rabbit Effect’ a termed coined by Kellie Harding. This is a link to a Radio New Zealand Interview discussing her book about Kindness and the study on rabbits that reveals the secrets to living a longer life.

Here are some kindness ideas:

• Bake cookies or a cake for someone

• Create care packages

• Help someone in the garden

• Make cards for someone

• Smile

• Donate food

• Leave kind notes and messages

• Donate clothes

• Be courteous on the road

• Volunteer

• Help clean up a mess

• Donate old toys

• Use your Ps and Qs (please and thank you)

• Do dishes

• Cook a meals and bake

• Help with jobs

• Do the clothes washing for someone

• Help someone with their job

• Do a rubbish pickup

Have you heard of the ‘rabbit effect’?