14. Deliberate Acts of Kindness
Kindness
‘LIve Up To You 19 for 19’ Challenge 14. Deliberate Acts of Kindness.
Why practice kindness? Deliberate Acts of Kindness are an investment in social connections. Being kind, ethical and good to others is the backbone of humankind. Just look at the word humankind. It can be broken down into human and kind, why do you think that is? We usually think of the word kind as a grouping of something, but what if we looked at this word a bit differently? What if we saw the kind in humankind as meaning to be human is to be KIND! This basic evolutionary principle of practising kindness and helping others has served us well as humans. It is not only good for the person receiving but good for the person giving. Even when the helper receives nothing in return and when it’s unpleasant to help, being generous and willing to share makes us happier. We are wired for it.
How do you practice kindness? Like practicing gratitude the reward in wellbeing can diminish if you get bored with what you are doing. There is something in bringing novelty to the Deliberate Act of Kindness space and it turns out timing matters. Happiness Researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky suggests the first step is to develop a kindness strategy. Pick one day a week and commit either one big act of kindness or three to five little ones. The key is to break your usual patterns of kindness. Some preplanning, creativity and effort may be required as variety matters. Don’t expect anything in return and rely on the approval and admiration of others to feel good, just soak up the fact that you are a kind person and the chances are your sense of self-worth, value and meaning will be enhanced. This website link ‘Random Acts of Kindness’ has heaps of kindness ideas and a whole bunch of other useful resources.
For my ‘19 for 19, Live Up To You’ challenge I did 19 acts of kindness over a couple of ‘big days’. The challenge got a jump start when I was in Sydney on my Diploma of Positive Psychology and Wellbeing Course when we were challenged to do Random Acts of Kindness overnight and report back to class. This definitely stressed me out and had me operating outside my comfort zone! My first kindness act was to open the door for people leaving the building. Then on the walk back to the hotel I gave food to every homeless person I saw. In my hotel I decked it out with little thank you notes for the people who serviced the room. The big challenge was on my morning run I decided to give a warm hello to everyone I ran past. Luckily for me it was raining and there were not too many people around (yes the week I was in Sydney it rained almost everyday). In the city in the mornings, it is a mass of blank faced people moving from A to B going about their business in their own personal bubble, trying not to interact with anybody. So when someone comes running past and looks them in the eye with a cheery hello it kinda stops them in their tracks. My minimum response from people was neutral but most people gave me back a happy hello albeit a little delayed. I felt pretty self-conscious and stupid to start and worried that everyone would think I was that ‘crazy lady’, but to be fair my confidence grew with each hello. By the time I got back to the hotel I was buzzing!!!
It was a challenge to come up with 19 different kindness ideas and I must admit some were pretty lame. It wasn’t all smooth sailing as at work a friend was inspired to be kind after hearing my Sydney story. When she was at the mall she noticed an elderly male looking all forlorn with nowhere to sit so she offered her table for him to share. It turns out he thought she fancied him and he proceeded to chat her up. It was the classic situation when good intentions go bad! Try a Deliberate Act of Kindness day yourself and let me know how you go?